Now, one of the good, kind decent Post Office folk has asked me to say a few words on their behalf. Seem some of you'uns have been gettin" persnickedy about the system's effluency. Will, I'm here to prove yer plumb wrong!!!
First of all, they deliver mail the best they can. We mountain Folk don't get a lot of mail, but when Clem Flyfaster shows up every Spring and Fall with the Official Bag, we's happy people! Most of the time he can't get through cuz of varmints creatin' trouble, bad snowstorms or hellatious rains. In fact this Spring, all we got was a batcj of incming tax notices, a bonafide correspondence from President Theodore Roosevelt and Liberty Bond Drive announcements.
We expect better service as soon as the Postmaster's horse is feeling better. Seems like the poor critter's been ailin' somethin' fierce since he got a bad dose of that their crazy weed, hemp or mayjiwana as city slickers call it. All that animal does in lick, nothin' but lick!! Poor Clem's barn has taken one he-ll of a lickin' every day since he ate it, but signs are lookin' up.
Our Leading Citizen asked a long haired stranger, who claimed to be "far out," highly educated I s'pose, what to do with the horse. The dern Freak recommended somethin' called a "downer" and that critter just perked right up for awhile. He quit lickin," but now just stares something fierce at the barn midpole all day. Clem wasn't feelin' too kindly himself so the stranger left some magic roots for him. His eyes been lookin' kinda glassy ever since, but Clem's still the best durn mailman we ever had besides being the only one.
Clem is a man of integrity too, just like all the rest of the mail carriers. He's hones and good with money. In fact, twice a year Clem saves enough to git somethin' new. This year, after the mail came in, he gave to all the charities and bought himself a new house. Your could almost swear he was carrying a bag of money instead of mail!! He's our Mayor too and takes care of things like City revenuer-sharing allottments, etc; all those wicked socialistic instruments, he sez. Good to have a man smart enough to handle the Feds and their strange ways. We don't worry about Social Insecurity or Medicare. Clem sez its all a Communist Plot and returns the money!! Fine man, he is!!
Well, don't know what else to say except you Bubs that critize the Postal People are a bit daff or pixilated as Granny would say. Cuz just as sure as this is the year, the year ahhhhh, they year welllllll, of nice sunrises and sunsets, the Postal System is fine and upritey. Just think these things out and you'll see what I mean.
I thank you for readin' this; Bless America and down with everything beyond our comprehension....Clem sez a lot of bad changes goin' on in the Vallies, but we don't hear much in our little town of Awareness!! Best that way, though. It's hard enough being simple backward people resistin' thos tainted progressive notions.