Satire With A Special Touch
A Cessna penetrated the Washington D.C. flight zone causing great concern while simultaneously displaying flaws in the emergency reaction plan. It was found not everyone was evacuated (ironically, all Democrats except Sen. Lieberman), few knew how decisions were made or who made them and who shoots down what. President Bush was bicyling the Maryland countryside and was notified 40 minutes later of the evacuation. Officials weren't sure whether he was coming or going at the time, but did notice Billy The Goat was open on the handlebars.
Ken Lay, former Enron head, is scheduled to go on trial in June for the financial hijinks related to his corporation's meltdown. So far, his defense has consisted of "I didn't know"; "it was a really big business"; "how can I be aware of everything that goes on"; "George Bush was a good friend, but I'm not supposed to say he is now"; and "my wife is poverty stricken since our income is down to god knows how many mizillion dollars a month." Insanity is not a defense option.
The Yankees boast some of the greatest talent in baseball, but can't climb from the lower divison. Perhaps George Steinbrenner should run the Yankees in the Kentucky Derby and let the five horses play baseball.
Former First Lady Nancy Reagan was honored for her Alzheimer's research fight and justiably so. She was not honored for being strung out on downers (according to daughter Patty), running the nation, believing in astrology or making derogatory remarks about Vietnam Veterans. One area she scored high marks for was buying china. According to the citation, Nancy paid $142,000 for china which is considered quite a steal considering $7.2 million was paid to the Russians for Alaska.
All these recruiting scandals and now the Army has announced a 15 month enlistment. May 20 has been declared an Army Recruiter down day when their commanders will rebrief them on ethics, honesty and committment followed by a threat to send the whole lot to Attu if they don't produce! Perhaps a morale speech by Attorney General Gonzales on torture.
The RealID enactment has experienced a setback due to many states complaining of turf infringement. Vice-President Cheney was immediately dispatched to quell the fire, but could only come up with his "get out of jail free" card when asked for ID at the airport. He was immediately ushered to a Cessna for flight back to Washington DC. Ooops, I wasn't to say that....
Valeri Putin, Russian leader, admitted he wasn't angry at President Bush for not exactly pro-Russian comments made in Latvia, but rather for not holding hands with him in public. He just couldn't understand this since Russia has the largest underground oil deposits in the world.
Comedienne somewhat Joan Rivers was scheduled for an appearance in Tucson AZ and showed up prompting some to ask for their money back.
IBM announced anticipated layoffs of up to 3000 people in Europe, but had to find them first.
Qwest lost the bidding war for MCI to Verizion causing a great stir somewhere with someone. Undoubtedly Qwest will raise domestic rates to find the reason with a mythical research study (is that creative accounting?)
Tom DeLay supporters had a gala event to fete their man who promptly accused the Democrats for all his problems. That's certainly giving a lot of credit to a party exceedingly quiet in Washington. Tom is also planning to write his memoirs as soon as a paper supplier is found for the right influence deal.
Dennis Miller is quitting his show after someone noticed he had one. His only comment was it was his decision to leave on his own terms after being fired for ratings lower than the earth's core.
Mic Jagger, 62, announced the Stones will be going on tour again after Keith Richards is noticed to have movement.
In an attempt to regain lost fans, Brittany Spears announced today she still a virgin even though pregnant, twice married and a very publicized love affair with Justin Timberlake. Spears, who is making a reality show with hubby Kevin Federline, states her new production will definitely be a baby and the show ill definitely be unproduced, unwanted, unshown and who cares.
Finally, Bill Gates announced IPod needs to move over, but failed to disclose why or for what or when or how. Kind of reminds us of Longhorn or Whistler or Chicago or how windows was a tad bit like the one Apple had.
I think therefore I am. I am therefore I think I still need an income