Thinking Is Not Just A Job, But An Adventure!
President in a Bubble held a news conference yesterday regarding his low ratings and more released British classified documents showing a preconceived Iraqi war. We pick up where PIB (President in a Bubble) is speaking from the White House press room podium:
PIB: Well, good morning. I am the President, you aren’t, accept and believe it. There has been some question recently about my effectiveness as President and Commander-In-Thief, uhhhh Chief. Remember this, I ask the questions and give omnipotent answers; the Lord deemed my being your leader. In fact, I was talking with him just last night and he told me those papers were forged by the devil. Please let the American People know this President is constantly fighting evil after permitting it to create!
PRESS: Mr. President, the recently released Downing Street Memo and subsequent documents seem to indicate you and your administration were planning to engage Iraq militarily long before it occurred. Could you comment on this?
PIB: Yes, I can, but won't…..next!!!!
PRESS: Uhhhh, I mean can you please provide some comments on these documents and what is alleged?
PIB: Yes, but first let me look up that word, alleged, in my pocket size dictionary. Hmmmmm, good word, I need to remember that. The recently unveiled British documents have no bearing whatsoever on my marriage to the First Lady nor my abbreviated National Guard duty. Those people tried to kill my Daddy and I decided Hussein was evil-case closed!
PRESS: Mr. President, were the documents an accurate reflection?
PIB: I seldom look in water or a mirror since no one dare call me Narcissus. Those documents probably aren’t real since my Daddy and his people haven’t had a chance to replace them yet. Either way, you know how much I dislike reading.
PRESS: What progress can you see in Iraq?
PIB: My preference is not to look at Iraq and instead dwell instead on how I want it to be. You see, the Bible says you have to have faith and I do so with the idea everything done in Iraq is sanctioned by the deity and right, of course. Therefore, I don’t have to keep tabs on that situation since everything is fine and dandy in my view and that’s the only thing that counts with the exception of the oil flowing under the midnight moon. Scuse me, again, yah, uhhuuhhh, okay...Press Boys, message from above to forget that oil flowing under the midnight moon. Didn't happen, never will happen, and isn't happening cept I am making millions.
PRESS: Uhhhh, well, interesting, but you are the Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces and have an obligation, a mandated constitutional duty, to lead.
PIB: If that’s so, they why in the hell do we need generals or the Joint Chiefs of Staff? It just burns my jowls to think of all the waste in government that could be diverted to private outsourcing for benefit of the economy. Leadership is something I do when it is felt and then find someone to blame if the poo poo hits the fan. I fully accept the mantle of responsibility when necessary for publicity, but not the blame since it need to be fixed on someone else.
PRESS: So, you lead when you feel like it?
PIB: Correct down to the hog in the wallow. This Iraq problem would not exist if all those people would roll over and accept our good Christian rule and corporate development of all natural resources. Just isn’t American not to do so!!
My kind of leadership can be called detached by example. It may seem my good hand isn’t there, but it's omnipresent just like the Almighty. And secondly, good people always know what needs to be done without me leading. It’s remarkable how people adapt to detachment by example. Makes me proud to have gone to Alabama after being thrown off National Guard flight status, but I led the way to avoid personal humiliation by not showing my face after being bounced from pilot duty. Whatttttttt, oh, okay, sorry Press Guys, my earphone said I shouldn’t have mentioned that. Disregard the statement about Alabama and being booted from flight status. As you were and never mind!!
PRESS: Mr. President, I, personally, am having a difficult time following your logic in much of what has been said. What is your actual objective for this nation and in Iraq?
PIB: America is a country of beliefs and what I believe is good enough for everyone. It’s important to mix government and religion, my religious beliefs only, to expand democracy across the globe. Why greenback dollars can provide freedom to anyone except if they don’t have any and then it indicates only bum status. Tis better to rule by compassionate force and corporate expansion not only to insure my retirement bennies, but to give future freedom loving people the right to accept or face utter futility if denied. Do you all understand that?
PRESS: Yes, either do it my way or the highway.
PIB: I did not cut federal highway funding…..it was merely a miscalculation by errant clerks who didn’t transpose correctly. I remember the time in Houston with some buddies who were drinking while driving, but I refrained from that evil activity, but anyway we picked up some women walking along the street, except only I realized their true evil intent, and then went to an apartment where I uttered biblical phrases freely after refusing to participate in or say begat, you know the horizontal tango. That’s the kind of guy I am except for the weekdays . I can't really remember.
No abortion funding; no evil money; no making fun of Karl Rove; nothing that could be considered blameable on my watch….and that’s the way it is. If I say it, then it is right and probably law. Have to check on that with Alberto!! Good idea, though.
Has anyone seen my pep-up medicine? It’s in a bottle; you know, the round glass thing which holds pills. Gosh, what kind of medical system do we have when even the President can’t find his own pep pills? Time for another meaningless investigation on something……I don’t know Valerie Pflame. Doesn’t potato end with an e?