How Not To Traumize Your Unit
Just think about your poor innocent desktop, laptop or notebook computers....They serve you well and then placed back into the closet, beside the desk, under the bed and very seldom ask what they want to do. This trauma after being subjected to worms, viruses, phishing, Trojans, spyware and at times, indelicate humans. Now the psychological profession has created criteria to diagnose a new mental affliction: POST TRAUMATIC CYBERNETIC CHALLENGE DISORDER (PTCCD). Its a particular nasty affliction marked by episodes of depression, rubber smell, electrode dissension, CPU disorder and a fleeting desire to watch the first movie episode of Matrix repeatedly. Specialized computer mental health professionals are hard at work trying to find a treatment for this malady, but feel you, the public, can immediately assist by bonding with your specific computer to establish a firm social and personal relationship.
Consequently, The CPPTCCD (The Committee To Prevent Post Traumatic Cybernetic Challenge Disorders) (TCTPPTCCD) has outlined the following recommendations for all computer owners:
1. Take your computer for a walk and converse like anyone else listening to their ideas, sorrows, banters and dreams. Understandably, this may seem embarrassing at first in public, but gently place your unit in a baby stroller and pretend its your little bundle. Eventually, the actions will become commonplace and its easier to explain a new delivery than talking to a laptop. The best times are early in the morning while the CMOS battery is at peak power, ready to go and so are you.
2. Sit on a park bench, enjoy the sun and listen to either Alan Jackson or Beethoven. Computers seem to thrive on this music particularly a bass metallic sound. Develop a cultural bound when ascertaining which genres your unit prefers. Depending on age, some may prefer the quiet melodious sounds of classical while the younger may want to rock out to Hip-Hop or Rap. Well, give them Snoop Dogg Dogg and watch the happiness exude from the protective cover. Regardless, you will see a change in your unit particularly the young ones as more enjoyment and price develops. Don't be too concerned about the bandana hanging loose; or the signs given when you boot up or down at certain times. The older ones may tend to be cantankerous and demand to listen to Bruce Springsteen, Pink Floyd or Iron Butterfly. Just provide the melodious sounds for them and watch how fast they fall asleep. The poor little darlings need their relaxation and rest.
3. Activities to stimulate libidos and process some sort of stimulation to the opposite gender CPU. Stay away from the bawdy internet cafes and try to cloister more around viewing new computer commercials where the recent models are seen as buff and toned. An experiment showed Mac, Windows and Linux reacted positively to this stimulation and wanted to date the new Apple MiniMacs right away. Controlling your computer and placing activity limits is the hallmark of a responsible owner.
4. It is up to you to determine proper unit behavior and development within Committee recommendations to prevent TCTPPTCCD:
a. No inhaling compressed fresh air for a high.
b. Please, no Hamster Dance since loose circuits will result.
c. Observe at all times and DO NOT let the unit interconnect through another’sUSB if you desire Cyber Virginity.
d. Unsupervised parking with owner supervision should not be allowed due to a tendency towards meltdown during stimulating activities.
e. Closely watch AMD units since they are wild and wooly; go to the limit; and believe their is no tomorrow.
f. Provide a rocking chair for any computer named Commodore or Sinclair.
g. Address any issue with compassion, concern and more memory.
You will notice a difference once these steps are put into place and eventually will take your unit everywhere just like another family member. Be careful not to overdo it since some humans may become concerned by your emphasis towards regarding the computer as your son, Larry for example. You might want to consider drawing the line somewhere just to save yourself a few psychological office visits thrust upon you by the neighborhood, friends or family. Don’t despair for eventually everyone will be bonding with their computer and you will be a legacy.,